Something you never want to hear…

We were stuck behind a truck coming home from a play date today. The truck was filled to the sams with all kinds of poorly strapped crap. When I mentioned how packed it was my step son (have I told you he is only 10?) says to me “You should see my dads truck when it’s full of scrap metal! it’s way more packed than that!” I said “Oh, is that what he does for a living, delivers scrap metal?” He said “No, he just goes gets some to sell when he is really wanting his drugs and stuff.” I asked him after recovering from shock; “What’s stuff?” He says “oh you know, ciggarettes, beer and sometimes weed, he likes weed but he likes drugs more.” All I could say was “I am sorry” then I had no more words left in me. After a few moments of silence he says “I am glad my real dad doesn’t drink or do drugs because it kills you when you use it and it kills you when you don’t”.

Seriously? What do you say to a child who is confiding in you about something so unbelievable that you KNOW is true? I cannot believe CPS is even remotely considering reunification!

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Church

Took him to church today and despite the fact that he was uncomfortable I believe he had a great time. It gave him a chance to meet some people, young men in particular so that he could better get settled. On the way home he turned to me and asked if he could tell me something in confidence. I had to tell him that if it affected him I couldn’t guarantee that I wouldn’t tell someone. He told me anyway, he told me that all the time the court had ordered that his bio mom and step dad could have ZERO visitation he was being taken to see her anyway by his “fake grandparents” with whom custody was placed while we waited to bring him home. He also told me how much his mom and step dad hated us. His step dad seems to be very very petty and jealous of my husband, which he should be because unlike him my husband is a good man.

Of course I could not keep it a secret, I told his casa caseworker who laid it out that she has suspected as much. he also told me something very interesting…. She said that his mother and step dad had told her that “I” at some point in time during the course of his living with us made my step son some kind of drink which forced him to throw up. When he threw up the drink I then made him lick it up. Also something about me making him tell his dad that he didn’t love him so that his dad would kick him out of the house.  She went to confirm it with Griffin, not asking him outright but asking if there was anything that scared him about coming here. At first he said no, that he was very excited to come here then after a little pressing he said “yes” and pretty much verified what his drug addict mother and step dad said.

Of course both of those things are ridiculous on so many levels that it is beyond comprehension. It scared me to death that there is a child in this house who could have been manipulated into believing something so horrible and outlandish about me. That little boy loved me so much back then and is already calling me “mom” again without a single prompting. We have spent time alone, his idea and have been having a wonderful time so far. In the end I believe this woman saw it for what it was, insane manipulation over an innocent child. I always knew his mother was jealous of the relationship I had with my step son but I never realized she hated me to the point of forcing him to hurt me which of course in return hurt him. How could anyone believe that? ANYONE?!!!

I think my drama free life is no longer drama free!

unknown

We officially have him now after years of not knowing where he was.  He came home a little nervous but ready to be here with us. My husband told me that on the way here he told him that he never wanted to go back to that area again and that if he could he would stay here with us at least 10 years. I am so terrified of letting him down again. CPS is still opting for “family reunification”. That term makes me so angry because WE are his family and WE have never hurt him so shouldn’t they be working at reunifying him with us and not the people who have “officially” hurt him 11 times and Heaven knows how many more? WE ARE HIS FAMILY! They are not a family and I am so sick and tired of CPS using the term family so loosely. It takes a hell of a lot more than pushing a child out to be a family. Get your shit together CPS, reunify this child with his real family and leave him here where he wants to be!!

We are on a journey into the unknown on so many levels. We don’t know how he will adapt to not living in a falling apart drug den full of beer cans and dump cars. We don’t know if he will make friends. We don’t know if they will show up and snatch him. We don’t know if CPS will send him back. And we don’t know how much our daughters will hurt when they loose him. I am so tired of CPS bullshit, so tired if them never doing what is REALLY in the best interest of the child. CPS is an joke and the state of TX is a joke!

Dear Diary

3 years ago my step son was ripped from my and his fathers arms after living with us 18 months by evil beings disguised as step dad and bio mom. After 8 cases of abuse reported to CPS in my then 5 year old sons short life he was once again being sent back to the woman the “system” once again deemed “fit for motherhood”. Mom and now fake step dad were winners in the game of beat and repeat because we weren’t willing to play along. How anyone could get away with drug use, prostitution, blatant neglect and SEXUAL/Physical abuse is beyond me. How a woman could be accused by her own child of touching and violating him to his very core eventually sending him home to us with a hickey the size of a quarter could be awarded custody is beyond me.

My husband is a vary hard working man, he provides a wonderful home, food for our bellies, doesn’t do drugs and doesn’t drink. The latter also applying to myself. His mother has never a provided her own home for him a day in his life, has abused him since only a month or two old and at the time he was returned lived in a home not fit for human living as per CPS. But still, she remained the winner with a license to destroy an innocent life forever. And once she got him back, SHE got him back. Because he vanished from our lives until the day CPS called us once again to tell us he had been removed from his home after his mother and step dad was arrested on multiple drug charges.

After years of not knowing where he was however we were not allowed to take him. CPS punished us even though they are as responsible for robbing him of a good life as his mother was. A life where he smiled daily, a life where the horrible nightmares where he woke screaming, covered in sweat after wetting the bed were beginning to stop. A life where he had a “mother” who he loved and adored who tucked him in bed at night, sang to him,  read him bed time stories and loved him like she were his own resided. A life with his real father who would have jumped in front of a bus to protect him at any time. A life where he had a sister who loved him like he was the greatest thing in the world. CPS tried to make it so he would never be happy again but we fought them and was eventually after 3 months able to bring him back home again.

He is now happy, but it is a long road. A rocky , bumpy journey into the unknown with a child who is so badly damaged he is near beyond repair but we will work until the bitter end to fix what they broke. He is angry, his eyes dull, doesn’t cry, doesn’t seem to feel but he knows that his place is not with the people who always hurt him but with the people he is likely to be ripped from again.

This is my journey as the wicked stepmother CPS and everyone in general seems to deem me as simply because I am willing to fight for a child who is not my own.